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Monday, March 31, 2008

Bush regrets invasion of Iraq

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Posted by: danish Ahmed 3:50 AM

In a startling revelation, US President George W. Bush confessed that his un-mis-handling of American policies post 9/11 has actually harmed the US more than the attack itself. Sitting with the corespondent Ofol Lapir, in his Oval office , munching pretzel and savoring his last few days as its occupant, Mr. Bush thoughtfully says,"I now realize how foolish I have been, launching invasions and killing hundreds and thousands of Afghans and Iraqis. The 9/11 attack was a bait to manipulate us and make us deploy our troops in a region and in a situation in which we will be engaged in a long drawn battle of attrition which is hundred times costlier to us Americans than they are to those wretched Afghans and Iraqis. "

The President further confesses,"I know I have been stupid to take the bait hook, line and sinker but regardless of what I say to the press the fact is I'm not the only decider. There are other people too whose opinions count, sometimes even more than mine."
When asked if he was referring to his aides like Dick Cheney, Condoleezza Rice or corporate lobbies, President Bush looked at the reporter incredulously and continued,"How the heck am I supposed to know that? I am just a strong,decisive and wartime President who does what he is told to do, without giving a lot of attention to who actually said it."

However, he calms down the next second and continues,"I know my policies have earned us more critics than friends but I am resolved to make amends after my term is over."
Just when you think that Bush has made another of his mis-statements while saying that he will make amends after he is no longer in power, Bush Jr. surprises us by elaborating on his plans suggesting that his long stint at power or sight of horrendous bloodshed and gore he participated in might have left him a bit more mature.

Gone is the rustic cowboy mannerism and a ten-year old kid's IQ that had hitherto been an important part of the President's image worldwide. A wizened G. W. Bush now elaborates his post-retirement plan. "As I said earlier, my policies post 9/11 terror attack have earned America more notoriety than admiration and sympathy world-wide. Most governments have been supportive of our policies and are even taking active part in our war against terror as our allies but I am aware that the populations of those very countries are against my policies, in fact, a half of the American population itself is sorely opposed to my policies. Our decisions to launch armed assault and invasions have always been based on the ideals to bring in democracy and freedom, so far we have not been successful but what if we succeed ? Just imagine true democratic governments in all those countries where local populations are so vehement in opposition to our policies!"

"Realizing this towards the end of my second term I am unable to undo my mistakes, so I now plan to go on goodwill missions to countries with large hostile populations and work at the grass root level to eliminate misconception about our great nation."

President Bush's candid confession has created ripples in the global media. Earlier this month there were reports that Bush, taking a cue from former US president Bill Clinton and Pakistani president Pervez Musharraf, was working on his memoirs which is said to be set for release shortly after his retirement. Bush's latest statements are also seen as effort to garner publicity for his yet to be released biography. However, many observers feel that the American president is not only incapable of writing an autobiography but is also incapable of articulating his views to another writer. A long time analyst observes, "It is really difficult to imagine Bush writing a book or getting someone to write one for him, maybe he is planning to write a two page essay, something like My Pet Goat but to say that he is working on his autobiography is bit too hard to believe".

* I hate to add this spoiler but some people just fail to see a joke when they come across one, even if its 31st March

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